Did you ever notice when one part of our lives start going down a path that is completely out of control….other parts start? How you do one thing…is how you do everything. (Love/Relationships, Career, Health, Money…._)
I was right there with you. Not too long ago I was in my um…..second marriage. It was not what I wanted. It was not what I even felt was right. So why did I take the plunge again you ask? He simply asked.
I was about 4 years out of my first marriage. Three small children and a whole lot of life. Stress…hmmm..that was my middle name. I woke up (hmm..that is if I slept ) and I breathed and lived everyone else. From morning till night…Serving everyone else…Loving everyone else…Family, friends…Co-workers….anyone but ME. Guess it was easier to concentrate on everyone else. I think I was born that way really. Ok..maybe not..but learned along the way how to avoid…and really did what I thought was a beautiful job of it. That mask I wore… Well..getting back to my story, I was four years out of my divorce when I met my second husband. Yes I got married again. It all seemed ok. Yes just ok. I wanted my kids to have a family I thought. Feeling guilty about the first divorce. I was working my ass off….career wise…trying to keep up a household…did not want to disappoint anyone…Does this sound familar?
I was going through the motions. Saying to myself I guess this is what my life is about. Having so much heart and love for others. I never felt I was living…I loved ..adored my children… but it was a lot. I had one child with a brain tumor…one had seizures. I felt relieved when I met my second husband because I felt our sons were going to bond right away…I felt they would have a bond. They took to one another instantly. It never occurred to me that I should take a deep breath. Take a moment to not only reflect, but BREATHE. My father was dying of cancer and I just said Yes to something that I definitely should have SHOUTED no. Why was I doing this again and why did I not listen to my gut, my intuition? I suppose I knew it was there. After all, I remember as a little girl always thinking, “why do I feel so much?” I was very affectionate and hugged everyone and felt so at ease helping others…but why not myself? I just never thought about it that way. It was not until many years into my second marriage and realizing how unhappy I was and this was not helping my children but hurting them. I wanted them no matter what age they were to see a healthy happy Mom. I wanted them to know not only how to treat others, but how they should be treated.
I wanted them to LOVE themselves first. Hmmm…how could I show them this. I did not realize I was on this journey all my life. I just well,…took a detour?
Ok…divorced from second husband…feeling guilty..but feeling alive for the first time in my life. I realized I had to set an example not only for my children, but others that I wanted to help. I knew something changed inside…something beautiful and sparkly. It was LOVE. Not just any love I want you to know…it was a deep love I had for myself. I started not only to take care of myself…really take care, I started showing it to others. They would say…you lose weight? Change your color of your hair? Is that a new shirt? I said hmmm…Nope ..Just started believing in me..started feeling I deserved and I am loving myself. I started to realize slowly that I needed to follow my passion I had since a small child. I went to school for Social Work but never followed through. I wanted to really make an impact on people’s daily lives. I went back to school for Coaching. I absorbed all this and more…and never doubted my abilities to go back to school after so many years. I was living my life in love..showing that I loved myself. I soon had clients who believed in me…my children, friends and even people I did not know. I knew that one more day I would not live my life not loving myself. I go through my day with a purpose. My purpose is to love myself first…than I can not only love my children and my Partner in life..Yes It happened for me..my true love I was waiting for all my life…all this beautiful lovely things happened because I started to not only believe..but thought I deserved love. It did not matter anymore my past…It was about the here and now. I did not want to live my life in fear and anxiety anymore. I wanted to start for the very first time being that “Love Warrior” I knew I was deep down inside. The warrior is for me. Ok…maybe you think it is selfish to love yourself first. I am here to tell you ..NO…If you do not, there is nothing left for anybody else. Think of it as a cup of coffee. If it is filled to the top..any overflow goes to everyone else..You really can not take care of others fully, until you take care of yourself. Call me Selfish? I have a new story…a Beautiful story… I call myself the “Love Warrior”.
To your Health,
To your Life,