I believe we all have a food story. It is our story. The movie keeps being shown over and over again. It shows up everyday…or sometimes only on holidays..maybe weekends? What is your story? My story started at a young age. There was much craziness and just pure chaos in my household.
We were not allowed to have any sweets in the house. I started sneaking them in… So I learned to save my change and go to the candy store. I would sneak in anything sweet and not just one…but I would binge. I learned it would calm my nerves and for the moment I even felt pretty good. After many years of this it turned into not only a habit, but a habit that would effect all aspects of my life.
I would gain weight, then lose weight. I would exercise like crazy …than crash. The feeling of loathing myself came up over and over again. I felt I had no willpower. I would avoid going out in social situations because I felt so crappy. I was what they call now an “emotional eater”. What I was doing is binging and eating my feelings. It was easier I guess. It worked… so I thought.
Back in the day I just did not like myself very much. I learned from people around me. Family members were doing basically the same thing. We rarely talked about it, it was just the elephant in the room. I was sort of the child who kept quiet and tried not to cause anymore problems. Well there were plenty around me so I thought it was a good thing. I visited my Dad every weekend and our time was basically buying any junk food I wanted and watching T.V. We did have some fun but I learned to hate myself more and more. I did not understand why I was so tired all the time. Why every time I ate all this sugary beautiful “food” I would feel great…then crash..then want some more…We call it now the Sugar Rollercoaster. You eat the cookies…you feel good…then you start feeling tired..Crash…now we crave more sugar..and so on.. My whole life revolved around eating. I was the closet eater. I would never eat a lot of food in front of anyone. It would always be in private. Just the sugary foods that soothed any emotion I was feeling.
My family fighting…go and get some ice cream and cookies. It ended up even in good times I reached for the sugar. It was comforting and familiar. I had some years in between I learned to eat real foods.. but that was far and few between. I was already an introvert…so eating this way caused me to retreat more. I wonder which came first…the sugar or the shyness?
I started to get health issues cropping up…muscle aches, headaches, anxiety, digestion issues, weight problems, not sleeping, being tired all the time, making poor choices, ….difficult pregnancies, the list goes on and on…
I started to say enough is enough. Slowly I added more veggies and fruit…I ate REAL food. I read labels. I ate more..not less.. If I could not read the words…pass… I started to shop and see where the real whole foods were in most supermarkets. I started to feel alive again.. I nourished myself more….stressed less…I started to listen to my body. My body spoke to my mind and they started to connect. I started to feel better and better. It does not mean I can not eat some of those foods occasionally ..I just eat it…I do not judge myself…I am curious..and move on.. Life is full of choices and I chose to change my Food Story.
I want you to know, you are not alone. I understand that your Food Story is unique and only yours. I am here to tell you no matter what your story is….It is just that. You can make a new story. That is your choice.